Lately I’ve been circling the question of identity. Where are my roots? Do I even need any? And what does this have to do with the world burning all around me?
Starting the research for my Ancestral Healing Book Project, I came across a lot of topics concerning identity, roots and ancestral wisdom – which, these days, is mostly associated with indigenous cultures. A vast pool of (to me) new ideas and perspectives.
My DNA-Test reduces me to being ‚German‘
Last week, I got my DNA test results back. When I saw them, I felt somehow disappointed, as if I had expected something more exciting. But when my siblings asked what I was hoping for, I couldn’t give a proper answer. I just saw the 51.3% “Germanic“ – how boring! My sister summed it up pragmatically: “At least you’ve got 48.7% migration background.” Well. That’s something, I guess.
25.2% Eastern European, and the rest is made up of various neighboring European countries. Maybe I had hoped for a background that would not solely reduce me to being ‚German‘.
Now it seems, I don’t have any choice but to explore Germanic and Celtic ancestral traditions… haha… I had planned to do that anyway – but maybe I was trying to avoid it, hoping the DNA results would give me an excuse?! Let’s be honest – toasting with Met to some (old?) Nazis doesn’t sound as sexy as sipping Ayahuasca in the rainforest, right?
Is there such a Thing as a ‚right‘ to Land?
As I move deeper into the field of ancestral healing, colonial histories keep surfacing and I’ve been thinking a lot about land reclamation by indigenous communities. I highly appreciate the growing awareness of the injustice entire nations had to endure and ongoing efforts to make amends. Still, it leaves me with ambivalent feelings. I can deeply relate to the longing for late justice – and at the same time I keep asking myself: What about #weareone? Is there such a thing as a ‚right‘ to land? Or better, is there a need to claim land as ‚ours‘?
This led me to further questions, such as: If so – where would mine be? Where do I even come from? And what about my German identity?
I grew up with the understanding that there was no reason to be proud of my country. And I’ve always thought that was a good thing. I still do, actually. Pride – what even is that? A feeling, a state that has hardly any meaning for me.
At most, I feel proud of myself when I’ve accomplished something ‚big‘, when I’ve surpassed myself. Proud of my children? I already find that concept strange. To me, it has something condescending about it. Who am I to evaluate their being, their ‚achievements‘? Am I proud when they meet my expectations? Would that even be good for them? Do I have expectations of my children at all?
What does it mean to be German?
You could therefore call it a German ’non-identity‘. Due to our (let’s be honest) not so distant past. And in addition, in my case: there is no particular region, no ancestral home, no inherited sense of place, I could refer to. What land would I claim for myself? What cultural characteristics have shaped me? What even is my culture? The feeling of not belonging has been with me since childhood. Did I choose this? Or was it just inevitable?
Because what makes up German culture? Or more precisely: Swabian culture? At least that’s where my mother’s family seems to have their roots – and it’s also where I live now.
Traits like being obsessively diligent, pedantic, and stingy – those beloved Swabian stereotypes. „Schaffe, schaffe, Häusle baue“. And don’t forget the ‚Kehrwoche‘. Nothing I ever wanted to be associated with. Even worse: the Swabian accent is hard to deny. It had to be actively unlearned – if there was any chance at all… Spoiler: Sometimes I try, but I always fail.
And hasn’t the collective effort of my generation been more about striving not to be recognized as ‚typically German‘? Because: Throwing towels on sunbeds? Socks in sandals? Blind faith in rules? Seriously? That’s why we never get tired of showing off our love for the ‚dolce vita‘ lifestyle of the (European!) South…
But wait, could this forced lack of identity actually have something to do with the rise of the far right, who are now trying – quite successfully by the way – to fill this void with their garbage?!
Do Ants identify with their Anthill?
Isn’t it a human need to identify with something? To define ourselves through origin?
I heard Gabor Maté talking about the Latin root of ‚to identify‘: it’s ‚idem facere‘ – to make oneself the same as something. That really shook me. He pointed out how dangerous it can be to identify too closely with an idea, a religion, or a nation. When we become one with it, any critique feels like a personal attack. Our existence seems to be threatened! And suddenly, there’s no room for reflection… So, after all, am I better off staying away from identifying as a member of a certain nation?
Talking about nations, you know, a strange image arose before my inner eye the other day: an anthill. Isn’t it a great example of how a community works together – everyone knowing their role, no one putting their own wellbeing above the collective?
Among us humans, that sense of connection seems to be lost. And I don’t exclude myself. Until recently, I would have protested harshly if someone had compared me to such a lowly creature as an ant and their meaningless activity. Wasn’t a human life supposed to leave a unique trace, being remembered for, even after death? Looking at the busy, prospering ant-harmony, I’m not so sure anymore.
Actually, I consider it the root of all evil that almost everyone – especially our politicians (yes, mostly men) – thinks only about their own wellbeing, never beyond their own lifespan. How beautiful would it be if they worked like ants – committed to the common good?! And the anthill wouldn’t just be a certain nation – in case someone’s already getting nervous about ‚foreign intruders‘ – it would be the whole world.
Sources of Separation
Which brings me to the next point: Let me throw in the thesis that we „civilized peoples“ (how long did I believe in the superiority of our Western, enlightened culture?!) are at a disadvantage here and have been tricked by Christianity. We were separated from the divine, it was outsourced, and in that process, we were stripped of our self-responsibility and our connection. What a loss!
From then on, hope lay in the outside, in the above, in the far-far-away. Wellbeing became conditional. On obedience. On submission. And once that system was in place, why stop there? Men over women, parents over children, believers over foreigners. A perfectly clean-cut hierarchy. Who would dare to question something god-given?
Oh, and Earth? Nature? No longer part of us – but reduced, objectified, subjugated. Given over to plunder. Put at the very bottom. How convenient. For those at the top. Wait, what? Turns out, patriarchy and capitalism are (ideologically) identical twins?!
In contrast, many so-called „uncivilized“ cultures kept their incredible knowledge about the interconnections in nature, about the interplay between humans, animals, and the environment – there was no separation, everything was connected to the divine. A mindful give and take. That’s why so many people today long for this ancient wisdom. Might this turning back even be our future? Western science is starting to value what could never be fully erased.
And so, coming back to Germanic and Celtic: I’m currently exploring how things unfolded here, in ‘Germania’, where I (mostly) come from. There were also people here, who lived in ways we might call ‚indigenous‘ today, before Christianity took over. Where did their wisdom go?
I like the idea of being grounded by honoring those roots. To know where I come from – and to feel my ancestry like a backup team behind me. Not in order to prosper individually – but to use that rootedness to turn back to the collective, to contribute to the common good. To the anthill.