I am drowning into the depths,
into darkness,
into nothingness.
I am alone.
Completely alone.
There is no one.
No one who loves me,
no one to whom I matter.
I am completely alone.
Abandoned.
Lost.
I AM NOTHING!
I AM NOTHING!
I AM NOTHING!
it echoes within me.
Into the pain,
into the despair,
into this primal fear,
I let myself fall.
Rejection.
Loneliness.
Non-existence.
*because I am not worthy*
BAM! Now it is revealed!
I cry, sob, my whole body trembles.
More pain floods me
and I – surrender.
At last.
I lose all sense of time,
I sink deeper and deeper
-am I dissolving…?
– – –
After a while,
maybe an eternity,
the weeping fades,
I calm.
Still existing,
at the bottom of everything,
still dark – inside and out.
Then,
a light appears
and takes shape.
Emerging from this light,
blackness yields to deep red:
A glowing seed
in a womb
materializes.
Peace settles in my body.
Words form within me.
If I am NOTHING,
then I can be EVERYTHING.
WOW! I take a breathe.
In the deepest loneliness, there was immense freedom!
Now I am released to become whoever I choose to be.